Title: Advice: How to Choose the Right Partner; A Story About a “Rotten Apple”


I know some women want to cut ties with their partners, but are unable to do so for various reasons.



One reason may be that she’s being gaslighted by the man, or going through a bad break-up which may result in the man stalking her. Of course, all of these scenarios cause annoyance.



Another reason is if you become depressed, and your heart feels too broken to make even a single move to leave. It might feel like you have been burned out and drained of all your energy to cut ties with him.



I totally understand that cutting ties doesn’t always go smoothly. Sometimes it takes a long time to resolve issues and may cause you many inconveniences. So, in order to prevent going through such a dreadful situation, we should act pre-emptively and learn to stop the situation form happening before it actually happens.



While pondering on this topic, I’m reminded of one “Rotten Apple.” Figuratively speaking, there is a saying that goes like this – “One bad apple in a pack will ruin all the other apples.” There is a similar saying in Japan. “Bad apples” are comparable to “rotten mandarin oranges”, meaning if one hopeless person with a group people, they will be influenced negatively.



When people are in dire situations like in poverty and feeling extreme hunger, they might be inclined to eat even rotten apples to fill their empty stomachs. Although the relief from hunger feels good in the moment, their body will soon revolt from the toxins they’ve ingested.



Realizing that toxins have already accumulated in the body due to the rotten food, immediate actions is necessary for survival. Medication or vomiting the poison will speed up the recovery from it eventually.



If a rotten apple, mixed in a pack of healthy apples, is removed immediately, the other apples may be salvaged.



Now, let’s connect this analogy to our lives. 



Whenever we feel very lonely, we might lower our standards and start to form strong desires towards someone too quickly. Feelings of desperation might cause us to choose someone whom we know is not a good person for us, and they will also eventually bring unhappiness and hurt in our lives. In the beginning, we might have been blinded by our ideals and illusions, but later on, we’ll come to realize that we shouldn’t have gone out with the person in the first place.



If we cannot get rid of the toxins from our body, the rest of our life will be poisoned and possibly shortened.



However, if we are already immersed with the person, the same way that the rotten apple has already spread in the pack of apples, it will take ages to cut off ties with them, and it might be hard to restore ourselves to our blemish-free version.



So, whenever we are very hungry, we shouldn’t make any quick decisions or choose anyone at that time in our lives.





— gaslightの意味の由来 —




・be burn out =be drained of one’s energy:精力を使い果たす


・ponder on~:~をじっくり考える、~を熟考する

・in dire situations:悲惨な状況で


・be inclined to:~する傾向がある



“tend to”=”have a tendency to”:日常的、習慣的に行われること

“be prone to ~ing”:ネガティブな傾向を表現する場合

“be inclined to”:日常的ではなく、何かきっかけがある際に生じる傾向

・revolt from:嫌悪感を感じる





・in the first place:そもそも、第一に



・a downward path: 落ち目 ※直訳は「下向きの道」です

・immersed【imə́ːst】形容詞:熱中した ※”with”とセットで使われます