🌸【人間関係】悪魔のささやき(Devil’s advocate)ー他人の言葉編ー

※以前投稿した「【人間関係】悪魔のささやき(devil’s advocate)-自分との闘い編ー」の続きです。


サイト:🌸【人間関係】悪魔のささやき(devil’s advocate)-自分との闘い編ー | English & Chinese Lab (english-chinese-lab.com)


Generally speaking, all of us can distinguish right from wrong. But sometimes, people tend to feel comfortable despite doing something wrong. We influence our ideas in a bad way.



Some examples are, “In the middle of being on a diet, I tend to eat snacks against my determination.” , “I already spent too much money, but still tend to buy more clothes.”, “I tend to read comics against my decision to study for an exam.” and  young women would say, it’s a big no no to check my boyfriend’s mobile phone, but I can’t help checking it.”



All of them are based on the idea that people tend to give in to their desires. The actions above are outcomes when we can’t put up with our limitations.



As a result, we are prone to regretting almost all of them. We obviously know the wrong things prior to doing it, don’t we? 



Once we begin to regret, we start making excuses because we want to justify what we did as right, such as “It’s once in a while,” or “It’s just a treat for myself.” But deep inside, we know that it is not what we really think. Instead, we just cheat ourselves in order to justify our bad behaviors.



Then, we tend to voice out our frustrations to someone. We want to get things off our chests, to be justified and sometimes to be scolded by them. What a complicated mind we have!



Well, there are mainly three types of listeners in that situation.



1. Someone who just accepts everything we did and says something like, “You should be ok”. To tell the truth, such comments are “devil’s advocate”. Their real meanings are “Get fatter”, “Fail the exam!” “Have a debt” etc.



2. Straight ball type. This type of people would say “Well, don’t eat too much, ok?”,  “Don’t buy them anymore”, “Just study, do it.”, etc. Actually, they are the rightest people, and their words go straight to our hearts. But, we speakers already know that, so we just want our listeners to understand the feelings about our regrets. As a result, we would end up feeling bad after talking to them and regret it soon after.



3. Someone who might say “I know how you feel. I did it in the past. Getting fat is easy, but losing weight is difficult, you know that?” or “It’s true, but you already have many clothes, right?  You won’t die if you don’t buy more clothes.” or “Yeah, I understand it but you can read many comics after the exam!” etc. At first, they sympathize with how depressed we are against the regrets, then give us some positive advice. I like this type the most, and I try to be like this type. This is similar to business where, there is “yes but” method, and recently, also “yes and” method.

3、「分かる、私もそうだったよ。でもさ、太るのは早いけど痩せるには時間かかるからね」とか「洋服沢山あるし、買わなくても死なないし」とか「試験終わったら、ゆっくり漫画読めばいいし」という風に、まずは気持ちを理解したうえで、前向きなアドバイスをくれる人が私は一番好きで、だから私もこのように相手に接するように努めるけど。ビジネスでもイエスバット(yes but)」の手法があるのと同じ。(最近はイエスアンド(yes and)手法もあるが)


I’ll keep being “yes but” or “yes and” type, instead of giving a “devil’s advocate” or being a straight ball type. I want to be easy to talk to or be a positive advisor for anybody.

悪魔のささやきでもなく、直球型でもなく、私はイエスバット(yes but)あるいはイエスアンド(yes and)型であり続けたい。誰かにとって「話しやすく、話せば前向きになれる」存在でありたい。


Of course, I’ll be a straight ball type to someone whom I shouldn’t spoil.



But never a “devil’s advocate” type. For me, it is the worst type as a listener.




・devil’s advocate:悪魔のささやき

・distinguish A from B:  AとBを区別する

・a big  no no : 絶対やってはいけないこと、ご法度なことなど

・give in to~:~に負ける



※be prone to 動詞 / 動詞+ing/ 名詞 で使います

・deep inside:心の奥では、本心は、本質は

・voice out:話す

・get things off our chests:話してすっきりする、さっぱりする






【can’t help ~ing:~せざるを得ない】

I can’t help eating snacks.


【tend to +動詞の原形(~しがち)+against my resolution(決意に反して):意に反して~する傾向がある 】

I tend to eat snacks against my resolution.

※「意思に反して」として、determination・decision,・will も使えます。


【end up ~ing:結局~となる】

I end up eating snacks.

※「意図せず」として、副詞 unintentionally を付けると更に良いようです。